Monday, December 15, 2008

Of fishes and death

She used to be hyperactive, as if I always feed her with sugar. But a week ago she was not her usual self. She was as if longing for someone whom she's waiting for many years now. She was totally different.

And then there she was, right where I left her last Friday. However, she is no longer breathing, no longer moving, no longer swimming.

Maria left me. Our Maria left us. 

I got her as a souvenir from one of the debut that we handled. I got two fishes so my partner and I named them Maria and Tony - from the world-renowned West Side Story. 

My partner couldn't have it in his office so I decided to keep them both on my desk. From that day on, I kept them close to my heart. I fed them, washed their bowl, and even played with them. 

It was as sudden as the death of Marky Cielo just last week. But all things come to an end. 

Now suddenly I am frightened - frightened by the thought of losing someone you dearly love, frightened of the fact that in just a blink of an eye, I will lose everything.

I always have that fear of death. It is something that I could never comprehend, it seems so abstract, so surreal. Morbid curiosity might sometimes struck me, but I can never fully grasp its concept.

Why do we have to die?

I don't know either. All I know is that when you die, as the Church say, you will find everlasting life. But I ask, how could you find life when you are physically dead?

It is maybe God's way of telling us that death is actually not the end, but it's a start of a perfect life with Him. It is not life's dead end, it's a detour to our life with God and Christ.

Maria might be gone. But she left me learnings that I would never replace for another fish. 

And so I say, I will definitely miss cleaning your bowl Maria. 

I will miss you.


auburn-locks said...

Will you miss me when i die....?

Jepoy Malinao said...

I won't miss you for sure because I will go after you.

Gusto mo un?hehehe...

Toni said...

Awww. Sorry to hear about your fish. :(

Jepoy Malinao said...

I was thankful though that she lived for two months, I only expected one. It was nice being with her for a while.

Judd said...

'Yung picture sa taas, parang putol na daliri...

Jepoy Malinao said...

andaming nagsasabi nyan judd. at isa ka na dun.

wag na nating bastusin ang kamatayan ng isda ko.

hayaan mo na sya.